Analysis
of Proposal Number 2
The objective of this assignment was
to make an effective proposal that persuaded the audience the author was
addressing to support the proposal. In
this proposal, it was trying to convince the audience that the SRC, needed to
charge less for fitness classes and needed to find ways to allow students to
take a variety of classes without being charged for every single class. The proposal tried to show that if the SRC
could either charge less or make package deals it would allow a greater amount
of students to participate in the SRC classes and therefore bring in more
revenue.
However, after analyzing this
proposal I agree with the argument, but found it to be an extremely weak
argument. The author made points about
how more successful businesses made package deals to make it so a great amount
of people would be able to buy their items.
Although, the author did not point out what businesses or what kind of
package deals they could give out so it left the reader wanting more. To make this argument stronger the author
could have found sources of other businesses and shown actual businesses and
how by using package deals ultimately helped the company make more money.
First, the author of the proposal was a student attending ASU. This helped with her ethos, but then she did
not give any more information about herself to make her seem more credible, or
have a higher character value. If the
author of the essay could have explained her situation and how she wanted to
take classes at the SRC, but they were too expensive or how she could afford
the classes, but she had friends who couldn’t.
That would have allowed the audience to gain a better understanding of
where she was coming from and would have helped make them want to continue to
read what she had to say.
Also, in the assignment sheet the
author was given it states that the proposal needed to be organized and have a
good introduction and a good conclusion.
In this proposal it was repetitive about how the SRC charged $30 - $60
depending on whether or not a student bought session a or b or both
sessions. In place of some of the times
this information was expressed in the essay, there could have been a quote from
an ASU student who regulary attends fitness classes and one that does not
attend. Then there could have been
information regarding how they felt about the price and their opnions. This would have strengthened the argument and
would have shown the audience that many students at Arizona State University
agreed with the proposal given by Bonnie Nelson.
This audience that the author wrote
to were the people that found no problem in the price of the fitness classes at
the SRC. Some of their interests were
about how the SRC could maximize their revenue coming in therefore charging $30
per session. If the author could have
given more examples and statistics of how charging less and arranging a package
to work with college students and the amount of funds and time they have that
would have helped strengthen the argument along with relating to the audience’s
logos and pathos.
Overall, I do not think that this is
a good argument for the proposal assignment.
There was not enough in depth analysis of the problem along with not
enough compelling evidence to convince the reader to agree with the
proposal. The only reason that I agreed
with the proposal is because I felt that the prices should be lowered before
reading the proposal. Although, if the
author could go back and add in student testimonials, statistics about businesses
doing well with package deals, and names of businesses and how they implemented
a similar thing in their business as the proposal that would make it a strong
argument. Therefore making it a good
model for this proposal assignment.
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